taking care of yourself in the 4th trimester

There’s a reason that the *six sacred weeks after the birth of a baby are called a woman’s fourth trimester. Her body is still going through so many changes and a massive healing process, regardless of the type of birth she had. Navigating all the bodily changes all while getting to know a brand new human and keep them alive is no easy feat. She is a new person, a mother, or maybe a mother again, both of which are monumental emotional transitions. I’ve rounded up some ways to take care of yourself postpartum, some of which I learned the hard way, and I hope you don’t have to!

*While six weeks seems to be the general amount of time it takes for a woman to heal postpartum, for some it could take longer, so listen to your body!

Rest
Don’t over-do it! Then when you think you are not over-doing it, slow down even more.

After the birth of my first baby, who had a head in the 90th percentile, I had tearing in my lady parts and it was just as bad as it sounds. The stitches were actually what made it excruciating, because any movement yanked on the tear. Getting in and out of the car, car rides (pot holes or bumps in the road were the worst), and getting in and out of bed were nearly impossible feats for me. I know, I could have taken some ibuprofen, but I strongly believed that feeling the pain was important for me to not over do it. I know myself, and I knew I would start doing household chores and cooking if I “felt fine”. I felt like I got hit by a truck for pretty much the entire 6 weeks postpartum. Thankfully, my husband was able to stay home from work for 2 weeks to help me. Something as simple as having him bring the baby to me for feedings and help me in and out of bed was crucial to my healing process. Right at my 6 week follow up appointment with my midwives is when I started feeling like I could function as a human again. I’ve heard stories from friends who have done too much too soon and it really prolongs the healing process (vaginal or cesarian).

My second birth was very different, I had a good night’s sleep before I went into active labor. I had a water birth and didn’t have any tearing! I was home, slept in my own bed that night and the following day felt like NOTHING happened (besides for the uterine cramping). It was amazing! I felt amazing! My husband went back to work before our daughter was 2 weeks old and I went back to doing all the things and chasing after a 1 year old all too soon. Around 4 weeks postpartum, I came down with shingles! Yeah, you read that right. What? How? I thought shingles was something only old people got! Even though I felt good and definitely didn’t feel like I was over doing it, my immune system was weak and I payed for it! I tell this story to show that even when you think you aren’t over doing it, your body is going through so much healing and it needs extra care during this time!

If your partner cannot be home for a MINIMUM of 2 weeks, or if they are generally not helpful around the house (#realtalk), have someone else stay with you to help out, a friend, or sister or mother. As women and mothers, we tend to want to “do it all”, and maybe we can, but usually to our own disadvantage. It’s hard to ask for help, believe me, I know! As a perfectionist and slightly OCD I like everything a certain way, especially when it comes to the cleanliness of my home. To this day I don’t allow my husband to help me with the dishes (although he is more than willing). So even if you cringe at the thought of someone else washing your dishes, doing your laundry, or cleaning your bathroom, I promise it will be OK, and your body will thank you in the long run.

A good gauge of whether you’re over doing it is how much you are bleeding. Postpartum bleeding is normal, even up to 6 weeks. Your uterus is cleaning itself out. The first 24-36 hours will be the heaviest, it can gush or increase with movement. Clots can be normal but if you are having clotting with or followed by heavy bleeding you should contact your doctor or midwife immediately. If you are soaking through a pad in an hour after emptying your bladder, call your doctor or midwife immediately. After the first day the bleeding should DECREASE. If at any point you feel it is increasing, you should lay down right away. This is your body’s way of telling you to REST!

Connect
It’s easy to feel isolated after you have a baby, especially in the winter time. Find at least one momma friend, preferably someone who has also recently given birth to babies (in other words, probably not your mom) and just share what’s going on. There is absolutely nothing wrong with connecting to your mom (or mother in law) but time has a way of making all those details and emotions a little dull. Just knowing that someone else is also going through the same things and feeling the same things you are is incredibly comforting and encouraging. My older sister had two babies before I had my first and I don’t know what I would have done without her! My sister in law gave birth to her son three weeks before I had mine, and it was so nice to be able to text her (she lives 400 miles away) when I was having a rough day, or a good day, or just to have someone say, “yeah, my joints make me feel like an old lady too”. Being deep in the middle of breastfeeding struggles, witching hour(s), colic, sleep deprivation, and hormones that make you feel like you’re going through menopause, and not having someone to talk with or support you is a recipe for disaster. It is so so important to have a community of other women to support you during this time! We are not bears! We need human connection!

I should also mention that social media is generally not helpful during this time. Comparison is the thief of joy. Don’t scroll through other momma’s IG accounts and compare yourself to them. I think we are all guilty of this. Connect with real mommas and share your heart. They need it just as much as you do.

Nourish
This may seem obvious, but it is harder than it sounds when you have a tiny human (or multiple tiny humans) demanding every last drop of your energy, time and sanity. I encourage you to get in a healthy routine BEFORE you have your baby if possible, that way when baby comes along you are programmed to reach for something nutritious. Having healthy snacks on hand and staying well hydrated is crucial. I always have pre-made breakfast/lactation cookies in the fridge so I can have something as soon as I wake up even if my baby won’t let me put her down and my toddler needs attention. Stocking your kitchen and pantry with fresh fruit, nuts, seeds, and veggies you enjoy raw or with hummus are all great! If you have the room, freeze some meals ahead of time or ask someone to set up a meal registry for you so that friends and family can drop off meals. Keep chips, cookies, crackers, ice cream, candy and other junk food out of the house so you will not be tempted to grab them. These types of foods will just leave you feeling crappy and tired in the long run. What you put in your mouth will affect the way you feel and even translate into your behavior. You know what I mean… HANGER. I can’t tell you how many times I have no patience with my littles, then eat something or have a smoothie and immediately feel like I have all the patience in the world. If your physical body is not well nourished, your mind and actions tend to follow suit. I’m sure you have heard the saying, “you cannot pour from an empty cup”, and it is so true during these early weeks postpartum.

Be Kind to Yourself
Give yourself grace, so much grace. It may feel like changing diapers and feeding your baby are the only things you do the entire day, but you are shaping a human’s life with your love and nurturing. That is such an amazing gift to be able to give to your child! You are the best momma for YOUR baby! It’s not easy, I still struggle daily with surrendering to parenthood. Since I am task oriented, I feel completely defeated if I don’t get everything (or at least most things) crossed off my to-do list, and honestly that is most days. In the scheme of your entire life, these long days with babies is such a small part. Soon you’ll be that annoying person in the grocery line saying “my baby is 25” lol. So take lots of naps, snuggle with your baby, get lots of (healthy) take-out, ask someone to hold your baby while you shower, and be kind to yourself!