why you need to prioritize self care

I want to take some time and talk about why self-care is so important, especially for mommas and caretakers. So what is self-care? Self-care is doing whatever it is for yourself to keep you from wearing yourself so thin that you are neglecting your physical and emotional health. It’s easy to forget about your own needs especially when you are constantly giving of yourself to others. There is not only one answer and the answer will look different for everyone, not only different from person to person, but different for the same person from day to day, season to season. Since having my first baby two and a half years ago, I’ve found myself in the most draining, stressful circumstances of my life, which unfortunately has brought out a very “touched out”, negative version of myself. I’ve always wanted to be a mother, but I had no idea how hard being a stay at home mother would be for a hardcore introvert, as well as my task oriented, perfectionistic personality.

When my first baby was only a year old, I became pregnant with my second (much sooner than planned). I am fully aware that this happening is something a lot of women would and do pay a lot of money for, but I say it to give the full picture of what I was going through at the time. My son had terrible eczema which took months and months to even figure out where it was coming from and more than a year to get it under control. This made him incredibly fussy and we were not able to sleep train him because he would scratch himself until he bled when he was the least bit annoyed. He was pretty much waking every single hour or less all night long. He would not eat solids until he was a year and was exclusively breast fed. Needless to say, I was incredibly drained. I was overwhelmed with feelings of guilt, frustration at myself, and worried I would not be able to carry the pregnancy or a healthy baby since I was so physically depleted.

Thankfully, I did carry the pregnancy, made it through 20 weeks of all day sickness as well as suffering from severe carpal tunnel the second half of my pregnancy which kept me up in tears at night. Six weeks after my daughter was born, my husband quit his job, which he hated so much that it was affecting his health, we moved in with my in-laws to ride out the career change and took a huge financial hit. We also ended up in the ER with my toddler and the children’s hospital for four days with a five week old and racked up some huge medical bills. My husband has been working multiple jobs to make ends meet ever since and is rarely home, and never for a full day. All this to say, I was NOT taking care of myself, mainly emotionally. It was taking a toll on my mothering and my relationship with my husband. I’ve since realized how important it is to be intentional about advocating for some alone time, which for me, as an introvert, is self-care.

It’s not easy! Most days I wonder why I am telling my clients to make time for self-care when I can’t figure out how the heck to find five minutes to myself. I have an amazing husband, he is more than willing to take my children and let me have some peace and quiet, but he’s almost never home and his work schedule is always changing. And to add to that, dysfunctional family prevents me from using any of my family members who live close (or literally upstairs) for childcare. We have some great friends but they don’t live close, and it seems way more stressful for me to drop them off and ruin nap times and bed times (mostly for my 1 year old) than to just stay home. One thing that has helped a little is sitting down every Sunday with my husband and writing out the schedule. Of course it always changes, but it helps me to mentally prepare for the week and I literally write into the schedule days that I want to shower and wash my hair. TBH self-care during this season of my life is taking an uninterrupted shower once a week and maybe cleaning my floor in peace if I can get both my littles to nap together. It’s not ideal, but I am doing what I can with my resources.

I really encourage you to ask yourself what self-care looks like for you. Is it going out with friends or your partner without the kids? Sitting in silence with a cup of tea? Spending time in nature? Painting? Drawing? Exercising? Dancing? Reorganizing a closet? Taking a nap? Deleting the Facebook or Instagram app off your phone for a few days? Maybe it’s getting the junk food out of the house and eating food that nourishes you. Or maybe it’s saying “no” to someone or something. There’s no right answer, it’s whatever makes you feel refreshed, renewed, for today. Brainstorm ways to find time to yourself, to feed your mind, body and soul. Get your partner on the same page so that they can advocate for you too! You will be a better momma, wife, sister, friend if you can discipline yourself in this area. I know I am and I will always continue to work on this area of my life!