Introvert by nature, I tend not to share deeply personal things in this space, but as I mentioned when I shared my son’s birth story, my hope is that in sharing this, I can help empower other women, educate them on birth choice, and keep them and their babies safer. The next two paragraphs are from my son’s birth story post so you can skip down if you already read it.
A woman’s birth experience is incredibly important and life changing, something that she will always remember. My grandmother still talks about all five of her births to this day, one of which involved a vacuum and her son losing some of his scalp. It is a transformative experience that can be either beautiful and empowering or devastating, traumatic and one that scars her literally and figuratively. Before I became pregnant I was fortunate enough to learn about birth choice. My mom had two out of the four of us at home with a midwife, and all four of us without any drugs. My little sister was born upstairs in my parent’s bedroom while I played with my siblings downstairs. We all piled in bed to meet her when she was just minutes old. My oldest sister had used a group of midwives for both of her daughters, one in a hospital, one at home in the water. Not all women have the privilege of knowing women who talk about their birth experience and birth choice. For me, it was incredibly empowering to know these women and also read every birth story I came across, including all the stories in Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth (which is a must read for any woman who is or wants to become pregnant). The United States has the second worst newborn death rate in the developed world and has one of the highest maternal mortality rates among all industrialized countries. There is no reason for this, and we need to change these statistics.
There is a lot of fear surrounding birth, at least here in the United States. Television has skewed what real labor and birth really is and celebrities scheduling their c-sections around their busy calendars with no medical reasons has definitely changed the way American women view birth for the worse. Women are sometimes made to believe they do not know how to birth which is entirely false. A woman’s body is strong and capable and our care providers need to have reverence for the process of birth as well as act as guardians of safety if something were to go wrong. The most important thing about your doctor or midwife is that you trust them and that you feel well cared for. This could not have been truer with my midwives, the Midwives of New Jersey. I cannot speak more highly of them and would recommend them to anyone living in New Jersey and eastern Pennsylvania. They have not paid me to say this, I simply love them, and they love what they do.
Heading into my son’s labor I had no fear whatsoever. I had confidence in what my body was created to do and I was up for the challenge. Some women who had dysmenorrhea and also had given birth told me that their menstrual cramps were worse than labor. I always wondered how true that was, because my menstrual cramps used to feel like someone stabbing my uterus with a knife and twisting it over and over and over. I did not find contractions to be anything like menstrual cramps actually, they took over my entire body and brought a pain that I can only truly grasp during labor and quickly fades after the baby arrives. After my son was born I was on a high from the birth process, just in awe of what my body could do. However when I became pregnant with my daughter, I would be lying if I said I was fearless. Since I ended up having an epidural at the very end of my labor with my son, I had a new fear of the crowning and pushing process since I hadn’t truly experienced it. One of my friends assured me that yes, that part is hard, but is over very quickly (she was right). I still wanted to try for an unmedicated home birth, possibly water birth, as long as I was low risk and baby was head down, which ended up being the case.
Around 3am on our daughter’s “due date”, I woke up with strong contractions coming every 10 minutes. I was still so tired and was able to sleep between them. I woke up every 10 minutes until 8am when I decided to get up. Now the contractions started coming every 5 minutes. They were strong and I knew this was early labor. I went outside to let the chickens out (yes, we have chickens), breathing through contractions. I felt rested, I made a green smoothie.
My husband and son woke up and I decided to call the midwives at 9:30am. No one picked up so I left a message that I was pretty sure I was in early labor. Christina, a nurse from the practice texted me throughout the day to see how things were progressing. Having my son around was distracting and my contractions were a little more sporadic as the day went on. I had bean pasta for lunch with arugula pesto. We decided to take a walk to see if that would help things progress. We walked to the playground and my husband took our son for about ten minutes. I walked in the woods along the river, squatting and lunging. I started to get in my zone but soon after my son was hot and thirsty and we had to walk back to the house.
My midwife Lisa called me just before 2pm to see how I was doing. She said she could come by to check me but neither of us thought it was necessary. I decided to try to take a nap while my son was napping. After I laid on the couch, my contractions spread out to every 10 minutes again and I was able to sleep on and off for an hour. When I got up around 4pm the contractions started coming every 5 minutes again but much stronger. I told my husband to have his mom watch our son because I knew this was it and I didn’t want him distracting me.
I was actually hungry so I made my favorite chocolate maca smoothie. I picked up around the house and made the bed with the waterproof lining under the sheets. I didn’t call my midwives right away because I didn’t want to call them too early. With my first labor, I was only about two centimeters dilated and vomiting from the pain when the midwives arrived at my house. I wanted to progress as much as possible before the midwives arrived. My husband agreed to lend me some of his prostaglandins. I know this might be TMI but I was going to do *everything* possible to speed up the process. (For those of you who may not know, semen contains a high concentration of prostaglandins which may help to soften the cervix.) I took a shower and told my husband to call the midwives and blow up the tub. My contractions continued to intensify. It was 6pm when my husband called the midwives and I asked if they could come within the hour. Lisa said they would come.
Two midwives Lisa and Lori as well as the nurse Christina arrived around 7pm. Lisa checked me and she said I was about five centimeters and was confidant I would progress quickly. I was so relieved that I wasn’t two or three centimeters! Also, the exams (which I only had two of) were not excruciating like with my son. I labored in bed and walked around the house making deep, low tones to help relax through the intense contractions. Lisa tried to do counter pressure on my hips and I pushed her away. For some reason just before a contraction was about to come on, I would shake uncontrolably. I also puked at some point, just like with my first labor. The midwives started filling the tub but it was taking forever because apparently there wasn’t great water pressure. When they finally filled it, it was too hot (which never happens) and they had to take buckets out and replace with cold water. It was probably at least 9pm by the time I was able to get in the tub.
Unfortunately, the water didn’t really help take the edge off the contractions like it did with my son, but it was still nice. I asked my husband to try pouring water on my back during a contraction (which I loved with my first labor) and I hated it and told him to stop. At some point I think I mentioned how intense it was and Lisa suggested she check me again and break my water. Around the same time I told my husband I wanted my older sister to be there too so he texted her to see if she could come. They helped me out of the tub and onto the bed. Lisa checked me and I was nine centimeters! I think this was around 10pm. She broke my water to help move things along. After that I had a few really intense contractions on the bed and puked again. My sister arrived while I was still on the bed. I wanted to hold her hand, her hand was cold and it felt so good in my hot hands.
I wanted to get back in the tub so they helped me move again. The contractions were so intense at this point and I remember telling Lisa I felt her head moving down. I didn’t have an urge to push so I wasn’t sure how much longer my labor would be. Lisa started telling me that I didn’t have to keep working through the contractions and it was time to get the baby out. Since I had an epidural at nine centimeters with my son, this whole “when to push thing” was new to me. All I could do was concentrate on breathing to help relax through the contractions and Lisa was telling me to hold my breath and push. I didn’t know what to do but my body did. They had me squat with my back against the tub. My husband told me later that he was holding one arm and my sister was holding the other. Next thing I knew during a contraction, I felt the most intense pain down there and kind of panicked. And by panicked I mean screamed. Lisa told me later I also pulled my legs together which helps with tearing. I didn’t know if I should keep pushing or stop to avoid tearing but all the sudden her head was out and during the same contraction and one more push her body was out. Lisa my midwife caught her and immediately put her on my chest. She was purple (which water babies are) and didn’t make a peep, just rested peacefully on my chest. Her head was so small! An entire inch smaller in diameter than my son’s. I was so glad it was over! I felt so relieved.
This time I had 8 hours of active labor as opposed to 27 with my son and I did not tear at all. The very next day, I literally felt like nothing had happened! I credit this to the fact that I had complete control over the position I was in when my daughter came out. I am a huge proponent of laboring and delivering in the water after both my birthing experiences. Giving birth at home was by far the best thing about my daughter’s birth! Having my own bed, my own pillows, my own bathroom, being in my own space and being able to move around freely. Going to sleep in my own bed without the revolving door of nurses all night long, just a simple text message from my midwife Lori to make sure I had peed. If you are interested in home birth or just want to know more about it, I would highly recommend watching the documentary Why Not Home. If this story has empowered you or resonated with you, I would love to hear from you! Leave comments here or on my Instagram.
